Talk to me... make me your brother

Okay, so... why am I always the last to know about anything? It's like;

"Oh, Emmett's the big dumb one who likes to crack jokes... let's not tell him I lost my virginity in case he humiliates me and makes me feel like I queefed on somebodies face!"

Sigh.

Just so you guys know, you can come to me any time and tell me about how you lost your virginity and how amazing that was for you, I'm happy for you, really. I wouldn't make you feel like crap because of that.

It's just Edward and Bella that get the exclusive rights to my sex humiliation. Nobody else, so don't be shy! I'm like Phoebe Halliwell from that show charmed, except I'm hotter and I don't wear lipstick.

I was a virgin once too! I was a virgin when I died, so that was another reason to be sad. I wanted to die knowing I got to feel the greatness of the sexin', but I didn't get a chance 'til I was vamped out by Carlisle.

Oh, BTW, I never DID thank you for that, Rosie. Thank youuu *innocent smile*

So for future reference, guys... I love you. Don't be afraid to just let me know about the news and stuff, 'kay... I wanna get in on the action fo sho!

Peace out,
Emmett